So, a lot of random things have been floating around my head today. Chase is on a recruiting trip to BYU so there are no adults around for me to exercise the randomness in my brain. So it's all coming out on you. Buckle up.
Random thought #1:
Have you ever eaten something bad simply because you wanted to get it out of the house? Whenever we get too much candy or cookies in the house - something we don't normally have - my first thought is: "I hate having this stuff in the house so I'm just going to eat it ALL really fast so it's not here anymore." How does that make sense? Seriously. If someone left a bottle of wine at my house I wouldn't say, "Boy, I hate having this stuff in the house. I better drink it up." I would dump it out. If someone left a carton of Marlboros on my kitchen table I wouldn't think, "Gee. Smoking is awful and I hate that these cigarettes are laying here. Pass me the lighter." So why on earth would I do that with food? Strange.
***Remember this blog is full of the random thoughts that have been plaguing me. I didn't say they were REASONABLE thoughts. No one actually ever leaves wine or cigarettes at my house.
Random thought #2:
My life changed drastically on December 7, 2007. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was the day Sophie was born, but that's not why. No, my life changed that day because Abby Hobson brought White Chili to me in the hospital and forever changed the way I view all chili. Never again will I cook regular chili.
Random thought #3:
Why don't I clean my microwave more often? Seriously, I use it 40 times a day and it's never really that clean. I clean it maybe once a month. That's totally gross! What is wrong with me? The rest of my kitchen gets cleaned multiple times a day simply because I have to but I've been living with the goop on the the inside of my microwave for weeks. Yuck. The only thing I can say for myself is that at least you know the gunk in there is pretty clean since it gets zapped with microwaves 40 times a day.
Random thought #4:
I hate making mistakes. Mistakes suck. Seriously, it takes you about 30 seconds to make them and you spend the next who-knows-how-long trying to live it down. For instance, I accidentally say the word, "Crap" and then have to spend the next 4 weeks trying to remove it from my kids' vocabulary.
Random thought #5:
Why do I get so much junk mail? And why don't I ever throw it away? Why does it just accumulate in my entryway all week before Preston comes over and throws it on the ground (twice), thus prompting me to finally deal with it? And by dealing with it I mean just moving it to another location where it will sit for another 3 weeks before I finally "find time" to deal with it (note to self: Stop blogging and deal with junk mail). I hate junk mail. A lot.
Random thought #6:
Am I a bad mother because I get seriously grossed-out by my own children. Runny noses, diapers, food smeared on every square inch of exposed skin...it's gross, right?
Random thought #7:
Gross is a strange word. Really. Type it a bunch of times and you'll see what I'm talking about. Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross. Doesn't even seem like it should be pronounced that way...
Random thought #8:
My SIL, Sara, got me a day-by-day calendar with quotes from The Office. I laugh at these every morning. Sometimes they're so good that I try to tell other people the quote, but I usually get it wrong or mess it up with a bad delivery and they don't laugh. I hate that. People, if I ever try to re-tell you an Office quote have the good sense to laugh at it. So here is my favorite quote (so get ready to laugh):
"I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy."
Random thought #9:
Do you ever watch the mop commercials and wonder why the floor is so dirty? I mean, I know they're trying to sell me a mop, but holy crap, what did they do to that floor? And why is the rest of the kitchen so clean? If you can keep your white counters and cabinets glistening what's so hard about the floor? MY floor is never even that dirty. My microwave, maybe...but my floor? That's just gross (see thought #7).
Don't worry. Sometimes I don't even understand my brain.
Rawlins Family
12 comments:
I love the randomness, it makes me feel better about the things I come up with in my head! I wish you were still close...but hey we might be moving out to Texas next year!!!!!
You said crap again in #9 - it's a good thing Cam can't read yet, and when he does keep him away from Aunt Alyssa's blog.
I LOVE white chili, cans of Bush's Great White Northern Beans has an easy and oh so good recipe.
Glad you like the Office calendar. I've come to realize that you either get the Office and really appreciate the humor, or you don't. I saw one last summer (rerun I'm a new fan) and I was retelling the whole thing to someone I swim with. I was laughing my butt off and he didn't even crack a smile. It must be a show for people who are smarterest.
Stay tuned for a random blog of cosmic proportions.
Oh, how I love good randomness. It must be a Kilgore thing to have such awesome randomness, because my brain goes to ridiculous places sometimes. For instance, I decided to keep a list of things about PHS that drive me insane and that are terribly wrong, so that I can fully share my grievances with my superintendent at my exit interview. You should see the list. It's several pages long and includes entries ranging from
"Was given a list of 7 students at the beginning of the semester who were not to be seated anywhere near each other. Are there actually rooms in this building with 7 corners? Because I am not in one of them."
immediately followed by
"The soda machine in the faculty room charges 60 cents per can, but if you don't use exact change, it always keep an extra nickel. You probably owe me over 3 dollars in nickels by now."
I'm not sure which of those arguments I should lead off with.
Anyway. I sometimes say words over and over and over again just so I can get to the point where they sound ridiculous, and then I think, "WHAT THE CRAP (HA) KIND OF WORD IS THAT???"
I amuse myself on so many levels.
Which brings me to my next point, I've never seen you lookin' like a tranny, so I wouldn't worry about it. Rock the ultra red lip CRAP.
There are variations on CRAP, like crappola, crappenstein, crappersnoodle, crapricorn, and crappymcstinker. Those words are longer, and perhaps less likely to end up (accurately, anyway) in your childs vocabulary.
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Why tip someone for a job that I'm capable of doing myself?...I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can and do cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist because I am not able to pulverize my own kidney stones. - Dwight
This was my favorite of last week - perhaps of the last 2 1/2 months. If you can't come up with the whole line, just say to me "you know, the one about..." I and I'll just start laughing.
sooo funny because my random though this week has focused on the microwave too! I've thought and thought that truely the microwave tells how clean your kitchen really is. A gross microwave can only mean you're hiding other gross things (mine's been dirty all week! aack!).
I saw a great tip for cleaning the microwave in O magazine last month: Place a dish filled with two cups water and some lemon juice in the micro, cook uncovered on high for 5 minutes, let set for 10 or so, and wipe. Voila...
And you're acting as though anyone who actually knows you might truly be surprised by all that randomness. I mean, get real, honey! You may think you've been hiding it all these years, but, uh, NOT. It doesn't mean we love you any less, and actually, it's part of what makes you as loveable as you are. Embrace the random...
p.s. clean house pics are posted
When you're eating all the bad food in your house to get rid of it, it totally makes sense at the time. And yet in hindsight you think, "Crappymcstinker, what have I just done!?!" Then you go and buy more. But I would have to argue the point about dumping out leftover wine or throwing away Marlboros. Hypothetically speaking, of course, you should definitely drink the rest of the wine while smoking the Marlboros in the backyard while the kids are napping. So I've heard anyway.
Absoutely -- everything in the microwave is sterilized, so cleaning it is redundant.
Crap is a mistake? Well, %$#* !! Here's my randomly-related story -- my friend Wendy and I took our collective 6 kids to the Baltimore Inner Harbor via light rail a couple months ago. I saw Mason sitting across the aisle from me, always the eager reader, trying to sound out something written on the wall. I can assure you it didn't say "'Crap' Landisville" (though we'll go with that for illustrative purposes). Unfortunately he had learned similar spelling words that made sounding out the first word a snap. I was like, Oh, please don't. Sure enough -- loud enough so I (deaf) would be sure to hear him over the roar of the train and other conversations -- he yells, "Mom, what's that say? 'Crap' Lan... 'Crap' Lands... 'Crap' ..." I forget how I got him to stop because all I remember is looking around at the other people staring at us (including a couple from church who randomly happened to be riding the train in the seat behind us) and Wendy laughing at me. Good times.
Kids are gross. They just are. Anyone who says you won't mind the smell of your own kid's diaper is drinking the leftover wine and smoking Marlboros.
The Office rocks. I think your typed delivery of Dwight's Butch Cassidy quote was exquisite.
When I watch mop infomercials, I have to lock my credit cards in the van. I want to buy every mop I ever see on TV -- I'm thinking there's hope for me! My current favorite is the one that puts out steam. I can hardly stand it. Maybe you should mop your microwave.
Deb- your comments are as good as your blog, which is better than drinking wine and smoking Marlboros IMO.
Maybe I should drink wine, smoke Marlboros and THEN write a blog. Could be my best one yet!
Anaa, I love your sense of humor. I loved the comment about making the word "crap" longer. I'll have to use those. Gotta love it when they start copying everything you say. Oh, and I'm glad Preston could "help" you with your junk mail. He was just giving you a taste of what he does at home with it. Apparently he doesn't like junk mail either.
Deb, we can only hope for a blog of that magnitude. But we'll be watching and waiting...Still, your sober blogs still rock my universe.
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