Where I'm at

So you've probably noticed a BIG influx of posts from me lately. This is not accidental. I'm trying with all my might to get back to writing. It's a passion of mine. And though I often feel inferior in the level of my skill, I realize more each day that it doesn't matter. What matters is my need to do something that enriches and edifies me - even if it's a ridiculous blog post about my knees, or silly snippets of my children's day. These are the things I love to capture! These are the real parts of my life.

If you're like me, you've probably grown weary of a lot of the blogs out there. That may be part of why I stayed out of the game. There is, it seems, this need to "put your face on" in the blogging world. It's like putting makeup on your life - covering up the imperfections and only letting the pretty shine through. And while I can certainly respect that - who doesn't want to show themselves at their absolute best? - I think FOR ME it became detrimental over time.

Yesterday I was listening to an interview with a group (no, THE group - the founders) of the Mormon Mommy Bloggers. It was fascinating to hear their stories of how they came to blogging. A lot of them started blogs as ways to keep up with family far and wide, or to keep a family record. Those are the same reasons I started my own blog so many years ago.

But one story tugged my heartstrings because I felt it as much as I heard it. This woman, after having four children in under four years, was dealing with serious post-partum depression. Now, let me stop here to say that I don't care to discuss the rightness or wrongness of someone's decision to have children on the timelines they choose. There IS no right or wrong. It is the sole decision of the couple bringing those children into the world. I know how difficult those decisions can be and how SACRED those decisions are (more posts on that to come!).

So in the depths of her depression she had a sensitive doctor ask her what she was doing for her. What could she do in her life that would allow her to still care for those precious children, but allow her space and creativity - a venue in which SHE could flourish and develop. Then that same doctor suggested a blog.

I've never read this woman's blog. I don't intend to start. But that idea struck me as being inspired! This woman was able to go online and share her story, share her struggles and share all the real parts about her. And you know what? She helped people. Her ability and willingness to share even the gritty and harsh parts of her life is what drew people to her.

I'm not going to lie. I'll tell you that I've stopped before taking a picture and cleaned up the crap all over the floor. I'll tell you that I chose not to include certain details because they didn't paint me in a very favorable light. And that's okay, to a certain extent. I don't think you need to hear every unkind thought I've ever had, or see my children's unkempt hair EVERY DAY. I think we can save that kind of thing for, say, once a week?

I do think it's important to keep people safe. I think it's inappropriate to share stories or experiences that would subject my husband, children or friends to judgement or criticism from others.

But going forward I think I'm going to lose the facade and try to just share me. And maybe in the process of doing that I'll get to know myself even better. And what a blessing that would be.