Rawlins Family

Rawlins Family

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

My HCG diet is working AWESOME

So I went to the doc today to hear the little kid's heartbeat again...always fun. Though, I can tell s/he is already a bit of a prankster because it took a few tense moments to find it. I may or may not have gotten all hot in the face and freaky during those moments before sighing, "GEEZ" under my breath. I love my doc and he just smiled with me - I could tell he was a little tense for a minute too, which made me love him all the more. Anyway, the baby seemed to be swimming laps because we'd (and that's "we" meaning the doc, while I assisted in laying there holding my breath) find the HB and listen for a sec and the little creep would swim off again! In all fairness, I should expect nothing less. My babies all do regular, in-utero gymnastics for the whole 9 months. It's not uncommon for people sitting next to me at church to get a glimpse of my belly dancing on it's own while I'm sitting perfectly still. It's a trip, I'll tell ya...

So anyway, I've heard about this thing called the "HCG Diet." Have y'all heard about this? I guess the idea is that you load your body with HCG, ie. the PREGNANCY HORMONE, which my body happens to be swimming in right now, and then go through a series of different food phases.

Sounds awesome, doesn't it?

I just wanted to throw this out there, because I think it's a sign that our society has hit yet another LOW on this one. I mean, can't we just go back to Olestra or whatever that was that made people poop without meaning to? Can HCG possibly be better than that?

Let's look at a few of the side-effects that I've noticed from my own anecdotal studies:

  • Weight gain: Every time I've had HCG in my system, I tend to gain about 25-35 pounds.

Looking good so far...moving on.

  • Temporary or permanent moodiness, bouts of whininess, and overall grumpiness, mixed with periods of extreme crazy.
  • Acne
  • Fatigue
  • Swelling of hands, feet, legs, face and earlobes
  • Bleeding gums
  • Bloody nose
  • Desire of onlookers to touch you inappropriately
  • A Baby
  • Possibly more than one baby

So, as far as diets go I have to give this one a thumbs down. Unless you like this kind of thing (which, apparently, I do. A lot.).


Sara K. said...

Love the shout out to Olestra!

You failed to mention boobs, big honkin' boobs.

Jeni said...

booooo to this diet.

Nicole said...

Apparently this is some big Utah thing right now, which makes me say, "HCG diet: #4,879,913 on my list of reasons I will never EVER live in Utah".

What is WRONG with people?

Deb @ Confessions of an Ugly Mom said...

What Sara meant to say is boobs, big honkin' LONG boobs. Good luck with that.

jenheadjen said...

May I add...

"a complete inability to remember anything".

That's one thing I remember - that I forget! So happy you're on the diet! :)

Cris, Jon, Austin and Ethan said...

I know I can ALWAYS get a good laugh when I visit"chi-town" I love you A. And DEB, I am still laughing. You're hilarious.

Kirsten and Eric said...

Yea, this one is definetly out for me.