My HCG diet is working AWESOME

So I went to the doc today to hear the little kid's heartbeat again...always fun. Though, I can tell s/he is already a bit of a prankster because it took a few tense moments to find it. I may or may not have gotten all hot in the face and freaky during those moments before sighing, "GEEZ" under my breath. I love my doc and he just smiled with me - I could tell he was a little tense for a minute too, which made me love him all the more. Anyway, the baby seemed to be swimming laps because we'd (and that's "we" meaning the doc, while I assisted in laying there holding my breath) find the HB and listen for a sec and the little creep would swim off again! In all fairness, I should expect nothing less. My babies all do regular, in-utero gymnastics for the whole 9 months. It's not uncommon for people sitting next to me at church to get a glimpse of my belly dancing on it's own while I'm sitting perfectly still. It's a trip, I'll tell ya...

So anyway, I've heard about this thing called the "HCG Diet." Have y'all heard about this? I guess the idea is that you load your body with HCG, ie. the PREGNANCY HORMONE, which my body happens to be swimming in right now, and then go through a series of different food phases.

Sounds awesome, doesn't it?

I just wanted to throw this out there, because I think it's a sign that our society has hit yet another LOW on this one. I mean, can't we just go back to Olestra or whatever that was that made people poop without meaning to? Can HCG possibly be better than that?

Let's look at a few of the side-effects that I've noticed from my own anecdotal studies:

• Weight gain: Every time I've had HCG in my system, I tend to gain about 25-35 pounds.

Looking good so far...moving on.

• Temporary or permanent moodiness, bouts of whininess, and overall grumpiness, mixed with periods of extreme crazy.
• Acne
• Fatigue
• Swelling of hands, feet, legs, face and earlobes
• Bleeding gums
• Bloody nose
• Desire of onlookers to touch you inappropriately
• A Baby
• Possibly more than one baby

So, as far as diets go I have to give this one a thumbs down. Unless you like this kind of thing (which, apparently, I do. A lot.).