1. One. Uno. Un. Ein. Um. Doesn't matter how you say it, it was the number I DID NOT want to hear today. After 20 weeks of braxton hicks contractions that have now reached the point of being both annoying AND painful, I have only reached 1 centimeter of dilation and 50% effacement. ONE! How is that even possible? This is my THIRD baby! I was 1 cm and 50% at 38 weeks with my FIRST pregnancy. How can I be the same the third time around? It's like a giant baby-and-cervix conspiracy! They're working together to plot against me. The baby is like, "Hey, cervix, here's the deal. I'm going to painfully grind my head against you at least once an hour causing mommy to feel like, a., she's dying, b., she has to pee, c., I'm about to fall out, or d., all three combined. Your job, cervix, is to stay closed for as long as possible. Won't that be hilarious?!" And the cervix is like, "Yeah, great idea! Let's see if we can get the uterus to have MORE contractions, too! Mwah, ha, ha!!!!"
I just want this baby out of me. And can I tell you how annoying it is to hear people say, "Oh, just enjoy this time! Go on a date, see a movie, get some sleep! You won't be able to do any of those things after the baby comes!" Uh huh, right. First of all, I can't sleep now. AND I can't breathe, eat, sit, stand or walk. So....um....yeah, I just want this child to get out. Soon.
I hope all of you enjoy Thanksgiving tomorrow. Think of me when you're having seconds because I can't (my stomach is too squashed to even get firsts in). Think of me when you lay down for that post-meal nap, because I can't (that would give me heartburn, plus it takes at least 8 pillows strategically placed around my body for me to even START to get comfortable, and then 15 minutes later I need to change positions...). Think of me when you're outside playing football, because I can't (does this require an explanation?). Think of me when you take that early evening stroll to make room for pie (walking makes me feel like my pelvis is fractured in six places...not to mention there's the whole issue of getting SHOES on...). And lastly, think of me when you're watching the parades of TV tomorrow because I WON'T (seeing those balloons makes me self-conscious because they remind me of myself).