Do you know that book "Oh, The Places You'll Go"? It's the very first children's book I was ever given when I was pregnant with my first (thank you aunt Pittsburgh Sara!). I used to read that book to my belly - I was convinced Cameron could hear me, and that I was enriching his little soul. Maybe I was. Or maybe not.
My favorite part in that book is the description of "The Waiting Place." This is exactly what it sounds like. It's a place for everyone who is just kind of stuck - in a self-imposed rut, a stagnant relationship, or a life circumstance. And TWP is a pretty lame place to be. No progress, no forward movement. Not necessarily misery, but no real happiness.
That's how I've been feeling for about the last month. I really want to blame it on the heat. It's been a brutal summer here. This is my fifth - and easily the worst - summer. And last summer I was 9 months pregnant, so that's saying something.
Anyway, whatever the cause, I just want to get over it and move on! And I think that's why this week with all the construction has made me grumpy. I have very little control over my home, and since I'm a stay-at-home mom that translates into me having very little control over my LIFE. It's not a pleasant feeling.
I have plans. I have The List of Things To Do that is floating around in my head, waiting for a peaceful moment to come out and play. I want to get a new routine in place now that the boys are in school, so that I can maximize my time with each of them and make sure we're all being productive(ish) and having fun.
I need to get into the gym! Waaaaaaaay back in January I said my goal was just to get into a single digit size jeans (which, I know, sounds shallow). I've managed to lose the SAME five - seven pounds more than once this year. That leaves me pretty frustrated with myself.
I need to be a better visiting teacher. I need to pay more attention to my friends. I need to get Cameron on that piano bench more than once a quarter. I need to get Miles there as well, come to think of it. I need to pull out E.B. White's Elements of Style and re-learn some basic writing skills that have gotten rusty through too much casual typing in emails and blogs and what not and because I have a passion for the run on sentence but only because it makes my sister Chrysta go crazy and that kind of makes me smile and if something is making me smile in the midst of all of this I should probably just stick with it so maybe I'll forget about that last one for awhile.
I think with the house falling apart around me (or at least having it look/feel that way), I'm falling apart with it.
Is anyone else feeling this way lately? I'm sure it's just me. But if you're out there, throw me a line and tow me to shore. We can sit on the beach and share our (virgin) margaritas. Or we can just sleep.