Rawlins Family

Rawlins Family

Thursday, September 01, 2011

The Waiting Place

Do you know that book "Oh, The Places You'll Go"? It's the very first children's book I was ever given when I was pregnant with my first (thank you aunt Pittsburgh Sara!). I used to read that book to my belly - I was convinced Cameron could hear me, and that I was enriching his little soul. Maybe I was. Or maybe not.

My favorite part in that book is the description of "The Waiting Place." This is exactly what it sounds like. It's a place for everyone who is just kind of stuck - in a self-imposed rut, a stagnant relationship, or a life circumstance. And TWP is a pretty lame place to be. No progress, no forward movement. Not necessarily misery, but no real happiness.

That's how I've been feeling for about the last month. I really want to blame it on the heat. It's been a brutal summer here. This is my fifth - and easily the worst - summer. And last summer I was 9 months pregnant, so that's saying something.

Anyway, whatever the cause, I just want to get over it and move on! And I think that's why this week with all the construction has made me grumpy. I have very little control over my home, and since I'm a stay-at-home mom that translates into me having very little control over my LIFE. It's not a pleasant feeling.

I have plans. I have The List of Things To Do that is floating around in my head, waiting for a peaceful moment to come out and play. I want to get a new routine in place now that the boys are in school, so that I can maximize my time with each of them and make sure we're all being productive(ish) and having fun.

I need to get into the gym! Waaaaaaaay back in January I said my goal was just to get into a single digit size jeans (which, I know, sounds shallow). I've managed to lose the SAME five - seven pounds more than once this year. That leaves me pretty frustrated with myself.

I need to be a better visiting teacher. I need to pay more attention to my friends. I need to get Cameron on that piano bench more than once a quarter. I need to get Miles there as well, come to think of it. I need to pull out E.B. White's Elements of Style and re-learn some basic writing skills that have gotten rusty through too much casual typing in emails and blogs and what not and because I have a passion for the run on sentence but only because it makes my sister Chrysta go crazy and that kind of makes me smile and if something is making me smile in the midst of all of this I should probably just stick with it so maybe I'll forget about that last one for awhile.

I think with the house falling apart around me (or at least having it look/feel that way), I'm falling apart with it.

Is anyone else feeling this way lately? I'm sure it's just me. But if you're out there, throw me a line and tow me to shore. We can sit on the beach and share our (virgin) margaritas. Or we can just sleep.


Jeni said...


I think every mom is always right there with you. At least I am! I always feel like there is something, and there will always be things that we can and want to be better at.

It reminds me of the post you made a while back linking to that article about being a mother.

Go read it again.

You are awesome.

Mary said...

Oh, Anna! I know what you mean. There are definitely times that are more transitory than others. Earlier this year I was waiting for changes in every part of my life: waiting for the baby to come, waiting to be done at my job, waiting for something to happen with my mom, waitting for the bar to be over so I could see Luke again, waiting to move... You get the idea.

And even now that there is more that is in my control, there is still some waiting as I try to fulfill the "it takes time" requirement that is part of getting comfortable in my new life.

One of these days we should wait together while your older ones are at school. I think it helps to wait with a friend.

Sara said...

Everyone feels this way...it's not just moms. SO you have A LOT of company! I finally had to get past the whole "waiting for my life to start once I get married" thing and just start living my life. I understand the out-of-control feeling of waiting and have been thinking lately about what I CAN control. While it's not much, it gives me some focus.

Let's just go hang out in the nook and watch a movie.

Christy said...

Have you read my blog lately?

Jennifer said...

It's like you're reading my mind ;D

critts said...

I'm right there with you, headed on the bus to crazy town because I'm pretty sure this rut is about to make me crazy. I think it's the lack of peaceful moments in my life as of late. But if it helps I absolutely adore you and will gladly join you in a GNO anytime.

Jess said...

Yes, it's the "I'm never going to be a perfect person club!" Even though on the outside, many of us look like we have it all together, we all have our own struggles and insecurities. Anna, you are totally wicked awesome! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....