Today I'd like to talk about an issue that has been close to my heart for quite some time. It's been bothering me so much that I just don't know if I can take it anymore.
I'd like to talk about my hair.
Not ALL of my hair. I have some specific ones in mind. And I'm not even referring to my grays. No, today I'd like to talk about the wild and plentiful baby hairs that have taken over my scalp in the last six months. Is anyone else going through this right now??
For the uninitiated, it goes like this: Once you're pregnant you usually stop losing your hair. For me, my hair gets thicker, shinier and generally awesomer. I like to think of this as Nature's way of saying, "Sorry about those nasty cankles and horrific heartburn; here, have some sweet hair."
After the baby is surgically removed from your body (oh, wait, is that just me?) you are reminded that, like sleeping through the night, all good things must come to an end. It's time for Nature's Extensions to take their leave. For some, this starts right after child birth. For others - usually those who are nursing - this process is a little slower in coming.
At first, you just notice a couple of strands falling out while you shower and wash your hair. That's IF you ever manage to shower and wash your hair. But then, out of the clear blue sky, one day you're washing your hair and you notice that you could make a baby bald eagle his very own wig with the hair in your hands. It's actually sick - not gonna lie. And it just keeps coming for a month or two. And, if my anecdotal research is correct, this problem gets worse with every kid. Which means I'm one kid away from starring in a Rogaine testimonial ad.
If the losing part isn't bad enough for you, you get to move on to the regrowth phase. I'm six months into this phase and I'm pretty much ready to whip out my Flowbee and chop it all off.
Remember Flowbees? Brilliant.
All over my head right now I have these wiry, awkward baby hairs that refuse to comply with my wishes. I say go this way, they go that way. I say sit up, they lay flat. I'm completely at their mercy and it's driving me insane. I look in the mirror and this is what I see EVERY DAY.
I need some calgon up in here.
5 comments:
You didn't tell us that they were PURPLE! Cool! Don't worry. This phase goes away. Then you get to my stage, where it just falls out and never returns! Ever! I'm so looking forward to the 'not a hair of the head shall be lost' stage . . .
Clearly, you are not looking at this properly.
1) Bangs are in. And you have an entire headful of them.
b) At least you don't get your baby hair on your chin. Like I do. Nice.
iii) Bald eagles are no longer endangered, which means there's plenty of them to be buying your wigs. Hello -- marketing opportunity, Ms. Pitt Grad.
****) You have a Flowbee? Guess who just became the most popular girl in school. Woot woot.
Okay, so I don't technically own a Flowbee. But I would if I could. So I think that counts.
And you're totally right. Whole head full of bangs. The 80's are making a strong comeback, so maybe I should rock this look? Remember when people's bangs used to start pretty much in the back of their head? Yes. That would be a mullet by today's standards. But if Haley can pull it off, maybe I can also too? I think I'm starting to see daylight at the end of this hairy tunnel. Thanks, ladies. Gracious as ever, you are.
'Course, to pull off the Haley look, you might want to yank out a few of your teeth and drool a tad more... But you've got the hair thing down!
Tomorrow I'm getting the first perm I will have had since I was SEVENTEEN. That's 23 years, for those who are counting. 'Nuf said.
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